I Had A Crush On My Video Store Clerk. Then He Messaged Me.

Hi, I always wondered if there were unspoken rules about acknowledging your mutual profiles on Match.com with someone you sort of know. I’ve been curious to compare notes and hear what it was like from a woman’s viewpoint. What do you think?
~ Kevin

It took me a few seconds to realize who this Kevin was when I read his message. At first I didn’t recognize him from his photograph, but then I realized he was the clerk from Captain Video, my local video store. An avid movie buff, I had been a frequent customer since it opened.

However, it was more than its good selection of videos that I liked about Captain Video. For seven years, I had harbored a huge crush on Kevin, the boyish man with twinkly eyes behind the counter.

You can learn a lot by observing someone for that long. I noticed how witty he was when bantering with co-workers and other customers. I loved the turn of Southern phrases he used like “dumb as a box of hair.” And I loved his excellent taste in videos. He watched a lot of indie art house movies and I relied on him for recommendations.

But whenever I asked him for suggestions, I never looked directly in his eyes, fearful he would see the faint blush on my cheeks and my weakness for funny, smart men. I never dared hope that my interest in him might be reciprocated. To start with, I could tell he was younger than me. But it was the wedding ring on his finger that kept me from harboring any serious fantasies about the charming Captain Video clerk.

My marriage had ended 12 years earlier and I had fallen in love once or twice since then, but ultimately none of these suitors had been the right match. When Kevin’s message showed up on Match.com, it had been several years since I had been in a relationship, and I missed having a partner.

Online dating had been unpleasant for me: the mutual visual assessment with the inevitable disappointment on one side or both; the banal small talk; the painfully awkward parting when it becomes clear that you are being voted off the island or were doing the voting. Everyone I met either bored me or they didn’t like short, opinionated Jewish women. It rarely took more than one date for me to know there was no chemistry. After having met dozens of prospects that went nowhere, I was ready to give up.

So when the newly divorced Kevin showed up in my inbox, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe the man I had had a crush on for years might actually be interested in me, but at the same time, I worried that he might not be. After all, he hadn’t asked me for a date. It sounded like he just wanted to compare notes. I was hesitant about getting too excited and I responded cautiously, trying to sound as noncommittal as him.

“The way I see it,” I wrote back, “it’s a crapshoot. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t bother doing this at all, but I like it because it gives me a tiny bit of hope.”

His response yielded no additional clues. He shared that he too had had no luck with online dating and had used it because he worked two jobs, had a kid, and didn’t have much time to meet people. He was reluctant to date customers, he said, because he was worried about the awkwardness that might ensue should the romance go south.

“So here we are on Match,” he wrote, “waiting to see if lightning will strike online or off.”

Hmm, I thought. I was a customer who felt like I had just been struck by lightning. Did he mean to exclude us? Was my excitement one-sided?

I ran the scenario by my friends who were also unsure, but wondered, as I did, why he would reach out to me on a dating app if he weren’t interested. I was certain, though, that the minute I’d see him again in person, the answer would be clear. There would either be chemistry or there wouldn’t.

Every time I went to the video store, I drove there with a mixture of trepidation and excitement because I didn’t know his schedule. I had never thought about what I was wearing when I went to the video store before, but now the stakes were high. My typical outfit until then had been a tank top and a worn pair of overalls. I wondered if I should wear something more attractive, but figured I’d stick with my usual comfortable hippie style. Maybe that was a look he liked.

Part of me hoped he would be there, but I also hoped he wouldn’t. I desperately wanted to know if he liked me, but I also wasn’t ready to let go of the fantasy that this might be the beginning of something big. So it drove me a little crazy that each time I went to rent a video, he was never there.

Our email conversations continued, though.

“When I started on Match,” he wrote in his next email, “I viewed it as somewhat of a sociological experiment. Like do you usually reply even if you are not interested?”

That was exactly what I was wondering! Was this his roundabout way of feeling out if I was interested in him — or was this really just a platonic query about online dating protocol?

We were now exchanging emails daily and I could see the man clearly knew how to write. His language was so artfully ambiguous and that turned me on even more. I read his words over and over, searching for a clue. Even though it had been nearly two weeks since we started corresponding, I still could not figure out his intentions.

I wrote to him that I had really enjoyed “Box of Moonlight,” a movie that had been on his “staff picks” shelf.

“If you like that, you should also try ‘Love Liza,’” he replied. “I love Philip Seymour Hoffman in that movie but it almost never gets rented. I have a few more sleepers up my sleeve, if you’re interested.”

That evening I decided to drive to the video store and rent his recommendation. I didn’t know whether he’d be working, but if I couldn’t see him, at least I could watch one of his movies. As soon as I got there, however, I knew the moment of truth had arrived: there was Kevin, standing behind the counter.

I took a deep breath, nodded hi, and quickly headed to the indie film section. Just as he had assured me, the movie had not been rented. I picked up the case and took it to the checkout counter and stood at the end of a long line of customers.

I could feel my face getting warmer and warmer as the line moved forward. And then it was my turn and there he was with a big smile on his face. The minute we started talking, we couldn’t stop. I was grateful that I had been the last customer in the line.

Somehow we got on the topic of our favorite local swimming holes and the joys of jumping in a cold body of water on a hot day. While he was talking, I could tell by the way he was looking at me that we would do this together one day.

I left Captain Video feeling electricity buzzing through my body. When I got home, there was a new email from him.

“I’m liking this little testing of the waters,” he wrote, “and really enjoyed our face-to-face today. So do you want to take this to another level and have dinner or at least a drink?”

“Sure,” I wrote back.

It’s been over 20 years since I sent that email. Three weeks after our first date, Kevin and I were inseparable. I learned that men who appreciate good movies and good writing make for good partners. At least for me. I also found out that sometimes it’s worth putting yourself out there, even if it feels uncomfortable or hopeless, because it’s one way you can up the odds that life’s randomness might actually tip in your favor.

Since we’ve been together, we’ve jumped into many cold bodies of water and enjoyed lots of adventures. We’ve traveled the world and built a cabin in the woods. Now we’re growing old together and playing with our grandchildren. It hasn’t been all ducks and bunnies, as Kevin would say, but mostly it has. I still love his movie recommendations and he hasn’t bored me yet. Plus, he still likes me in my overalls.

Sarena Neyman is a writer living in Leverett, Massachusetts, whose essays have also appeared in Cabin Life and Business Insider. Her opinion pieces have been syndicated nationally through PeaceVoice.com.

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